Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

7:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
12:30 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
7:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING ON MASTER'S BED! MY FAVOURITE!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. Pricks. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors, by weaving around their feet while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile bastards, I again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair.

Note - to - self: I think I'll try crapping under their bed, too. Wonder how long it'll take them to find it?

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Damn!

Not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "ellergeez".

Must learn what the Hell this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a bloody half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved.

But I can wait; it's only a matter of time...little bastard.